


What A Perfect Ghost You Are

by Spindiver



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bonding, M/M, Snow, wolf run
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-13
Updated: 2012-05-13
Packaged: 2017-11-05 07:35:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spindiver/pseuds/Spindiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Christmas wolf run encourages Derek and Stiles to explore their mating bond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a one-shot that took on a life of its own. Much inspired by the music of 3 - and in particular the song Only Child from which the title is taken - and Transatlantic who supply all of the epigraphs used at the start of the chapters (which I can't get to center cos I am technologically inept, sorry).

You never know  
Fallen or in flight  
Wind moans  
Deep in the dark of night  
And by the blue moon light  
At the angle when it hits me right  
You can see the choice  
Here beneath my skin  
Bright bones  
Barely keeping the beast within  
Prick of a pin  
Let the shift of my shape begin  
But the barrier is thin

-ooo-

It was the silence that surprised him most of all. Where a week ago there had been so many sounds: twigs snapping, leaves crunching, the scurrying away of tiny animals, now everything lay deadened, muffled, like the whole world had put on ear defenders.

He lifted a paw and carefully placed it down again. It felt good, cold but good as the snow compacted around his pads making tiny squelching sounds. Slowly he stalked a path through the trees, listening, always listening but hearing nothing except his own gentle footfalls. He lifted his head to point his muzzle at the tree tops. Through the leafless branches the full moon shone brightly, casting an almost ethereal glow over the wooded landscape. Even his sense of smell was affected. So many things that would normally give off scents lay blanketed under the pristine carpet of snow.

Suddenly something triggered his senses, a movement up ahead of him, a shadow perhaps, where there oughtn’t to be one. The fur on his hackles rose and he stood on alert, ears pricked and tail straight out behind him. A flurry of activity burst from the undergrowth and a yellow eyed beast hared directly towards him. He squatted back in preparation and as the creature gained ground, he leaped to meet it in the air.

-ooo-

It was actually Stiles who noticed when the full moon occurred that month; only a couple of weeks before but early enough to make plans for it. Stiles had been picking around the internet, google-hopping, while Scott lay on the floor making lists and Derek reclined on the bed, seemingly oblivious but in reality highly attuned to the moods in the room. He even knew to expect a Stiles spaz-out micro seconds before it happened.

“Hey!” exclaimed the boy, wheeling around in his chair so quickly that he almost fell off it. “You’ll never guess when the next full moon is!”

Two eyebrows raised questioningly in his direction, one demonstrably less interested than the other.

“C’mon, humour a poor weak human whose only superpower is ninja google skills, at least try for me”, pleaded Stiles.

“Tomorrow”, said Scott.

“Next Friday”, said Derek.

“No and no, you’re both really rubbish wolves if I have to tell you this. You should be keeping an eye on the calendar”, Stiles chided the pair of them.

“Well...?” prodded Derek, eager to fall back into the state of low activity but heightened awareness usually mistaken for dozing.

Stiles performed a drum roll on his knees. “It’s...Christmas Day!” he crowed.

“Oh”, said Scott.

“Nice”, said Derek and shut his eyes again.

“Seriously, that’s all I’m getting out of you? I despair!”

At that very moment, Stiles elected to take on the preparation for the pack run himself. Each month Derek would dictate where the run would take place, once taking the pack 50 miles out of state to a landscape of rolling hills and once on a long weekend to a place where a dense forest met the sea shore. Stiles had no wish to mess with that but there were so many other things he could do to make the event special. Being Christmas he knew it would be a local run, it would be too difficult to organise anything else.

Stiles told all the pack to tell their families that there were to be no late Christmas feasts that day. Everybody - no exceptions – was to meet at Derek’s house at 8 o’ clock that night. Over the next week Stiles made lists which all had to be thrown out and redone when he woke up one morning a few days before Christmas Day and looked out of his window.

The sky had been greying over for a while and the temperature had dropped. Stiles had been hoping for this but didn’t dare to mention it for fear of jinxing the possibility but it was true, he was seeing it with his own eyes: snow. His glee as he cast his glance across the gently falling flakes was palpable, enough even to rouse Derek from his warm cocoon in Stiles’ bed to see what the fuss was all about.

Derek joined Stiles at the window, dragging a blanket with him and throwing it over both their shoulders as they contemplated the changed and changing landscape. Stiles wrapped an arm around Derek’s waist and pulled him closer. “It’s going to be so good”, he grinned.

-ooo-

The two creatures collided in mid-air, falling back to the ground in a mess of legs and bellies and snouts. The dark one with the red eyes cuffed the lighter one with a paw that was not tangled up and the pair fought to extricate themselves. Once freed, the smaller wolf butted the side of the other with its head, trying to push it over into the snow. Between pants the dark wolf turned its head and nipped at the haunches of its attacker. In its eagerness to turn and retaliate, it moved too quickly and lost its footing in the snow. Falling over again, it managed to bring the yellow eyed wolf down with it. For moments the two rolled against each other, kicking up small flurries of snow and disturbing the otherwise untouched fall.

Then a sound rent the otherwise deadened atmosphere: a howl, but not a howl of pain or fear, a howl of joy. The two play-fighting wolves jumped to their feet and lifted their heads up in answering yelps. Seconds later a third pale furred wolf barrelled through the trees and straight into them, creating a snapping, growling wolf pile in the snow.

Three sets of legs each fought to win the right to stand above the others. Three pairs of snapping jaws bit and snipped at fur and flesh and three lithe bodies writhed against each other in an orgiastic battle of dominance. The two smaller wolves tired first, slumping down, allowing the dark wolf to assert his position as alpha. For a while the beasts lay there panting, great huffs of breath misting out in the crisp air. Something caught the red eyes of the dark wolf, he sniffed in the air, searching for a scent and slowly stood up, alert. The others followed and scented the air too and then soundlessly the three creatures took off as one, bounding through the woodland, twisting round trees, intent on a destination known only to them.

-ooo-

The bonfire cast out small sparks, its red glow contrasting incredibly with the blue tinged snow under the moonlight. Stiles was proud of the bonfire, it was about four feet across and a couple of feet high and it had taken him several days to gather the wood and get it to the lake shore. It was big enough to last all night and even if it wasn’t, there was a spare wood pile down by the side of Stiles’ jeep.

That morning, the one of the first snow fall, standing at the window, Stiles had asked Derek where the run was going to be.

“Why?” asked Derek.

“Because I want it to end in a good place where we can rest a while and just enjoy it; somewhere beautiful and peaceful”, answered Stiles.

“There’s always the lake”, offered Derek and Stiles knew instantly that he was right. Popular in summer with families and teens but deserted in winter, the small beach at the lake would be ideal for a rendezvous.

Now Stiles lay in the shadow of the bonfire, wrapped up in a sleeping bag. To his right Allison and Lydia snuggled together to keep warm. Allison lay on her back and stared up at the sky.

“It’s so beautiful, I can’t believe it’s so perfect”, she said. Stiles had to agree, the clear fresh night allowed the stars to glitter in their millions, the bright moonlight washing over the snow-capped trees at the lakeside and the stillness of the air lent a Christmas card like feel to their surroundings.

Away in the distance, a howl shattered the quiet followed by other unworldly cries.

“There they are”, said Stiles excitedly, “They won’t be long now.”

The three of them sat up, pulling warm blankets around them eager to greet their mates after the exhilaration of the midnight wolf run. Only the crackling of the bonfire broke the silence as they strained to hear the wolves approach. It seemed to be taking a long time and then Stiles saw a moving shape on the headland half a mile away. Silhouetted by the moonlight behind it, the shape defined itself into a wolf, head up pointing at the stars. Stiles didn’t think he’d ever seen anything quite so breath-taking. The still, dark figure against the pale soft background looked like a ghostly apparition, a portent for something wonderful. Then the wolf opened its jaws and howled out, pawing at the snow covered ground as it sang a song of freedom and joy. Turning swiftly the wolf dashed back down the headland and was gone from Stiles sight.

No more than a minute later, the wolves burst into the clearing and stopped, lungs heaving and tongues lolling. The pale one and the yellow-eyed one padded over to the two girls and flopped down between them. The dark wolf contemplated Stiles with its red eyes, rhythmic panting breaking the silence. It launched itself at Stiles landing with its front paws and head on Stiles chest, pushing him over. Stiles wrapped his arms around the wolf which was now trying to lick his face and petted it, forcing his hands deep into the fur to scratch its back and sides.

“Hey buddy, did you have a good time, did you?” Stiles crooned into its neck, trying to avoid the great swathes of saliva that the wolf seemed intent on sharing.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too, yes I do.” Stiles grabbed at the hunks of fur cresting round the wolf’s neck and pulled it down to his side so he could rub its tummy. The dark beast lay on its side, closing its eyes and enjoying being fussed over. Gradually Stiles felt the fur recede under his hands and that strange sensation of bone and muscle rearranging itself. Five minutes later an all human Derek lay beside him not quite shivering.

Stiles lifted up the side of the sleeping bag for Derek to snuggle in with him.

“I’ve got your clothes here; they should be nice and warm.” Stiles pulled some garments from deep inside the sleeping bag.

“Thanks”, said Derek and he gamely tried to dress himself while still laying down half inside the bag. Stiles pulled the twisted clothing round to help him. Once Derek was dressed he pushed in closer to Stiles and put his arms around him, nuzzling into Stiles’ neck.

“Thank you for all this”, he whispered into Stiles skin. “The run was amazing, it felt so good running through the snow and then, to have you here at the end, waiting for me...” he broke off, content to let the actions of his mouth and hands speak instead of words.

After a couple of minutes Stiles dropped a kiss on his dark head, “Merry Christmas, Derek.”

Derek leaned up to kiss Stiles lips. ”I really do love you, you know”, he mouthed between pecks.

“I know”, said Stiles, “I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

There - walking into walls

Piercing through the pain

Here we are

Reaching through the rain

I almost caught a glimpse

To feel that Sunday high

I would fall

This makes no sense at all

-ooo-

The bonfire crackled and spat when a log slipped off its perch. As Stiles was the nearest, he threw off the blankets and slipped out from his warm nest in the sleeping bag. Using a branch that had been set aside and reserved for this very purpose he prodded the log until it came within the confines of the fire again.

"Since I'm up, does anybody want anything?"

"Cocoa would be nice..." offered Scott.

Stiles sighed, "I was really thinking about food." But he filled the kettle he'd brought and hung it over the fire anyway.

Over on the far side Scott and Allison lay canoodling in their sleeping bag and slightly nearer, Jackson and Lydia lay wrapped up warmly too. Jackson had fallen asleep, curled into a ball on top of his bag and Lydia had heaped blankets on top of him to keep him cosy before snuggling back down next to him. He'd really made the most of the snow, finding more joy in it as a wolf than he ever had as a human; it had completely wiped him out.

Stiles shivered a bit as he hurriedly tried to prepare cocoa for six. Derek watched him, so enveloped in their blanket nest that only his nose peeked out from the top. He smiled fondly but of course that couldn't be seen. Despite his thickly padded gloves Stiles managed to manoeuvre the kettle from the fire to a position vaguely above the mugs he'd readied and poured. Hot water slopped all around them but enough of it went into the mugs that he could reasonably consider it job done.

He passed the hot drinks out in pairs to the grateful pack, taking his and Derek's over last of all. Derek shrugged the blankets down to free his arms so that he could hold the cocoa while Stiles toed his shoes off and climbed back into the warmth.

Settling down, he said to Derek, "Tell me about the run. What was it like, out there in the woods with all the snow?"

Derek smiled as he passed Stiles' mug over. "It was exhilarating." Stiles rested his head against Derek' shoulder and looked out beyond the bonfire over the lake. "There's so much visceral joy in just being able run freely anyway but the snow adds another dimension. Everything looks different, everything smells and feels different too. Imagine you're five years old and you get to do your favourite thing."

Stiles thought back to his childhood, when he was five his favourite thing was playing hide and seek with his mother. She'd always pretend not to find him for a very long time until his giggles would give him away and then she'd sweep in to hug him to her.

"Uh-huh", he said, sipping from the mug cupped in his hands.

Derek continued, "It's the best thing in the world but this time there's snow. You can feel it between your toes, you can kick it and throw it and roll in it. It's cold but you aren't, somehow the snow makes you feel warmer, happier.

"We heard you all", said Stiles. "It sounded like you were having the time of your lives."

"I think we were, I certainly don't think Jackson ever got as much out of a run as he did from this one."

Stiles watched a gentle wave lap its way to shore, breaking on the snow covered ground. His eye caught the shape of the headland outlined in the moonlight. He nodded towards it, "Oh and when you ran up there and howled, you looked magnificent, I've never seen anything like that before, so, so glorious."

Derek wrapped his free hand around Stiles waist, pulling him closer. "I was singing for you, you know. Singing out my happiness at being able to run, knowing I had you waiting for me."

"It was beautiful", admitted Stiles and then he added somewhat wistfully. "I wish I knew what it felt like, to be that free."

Later that night as he was half asleep with Derek wrapped round him, kissing his neck gently, he swore he heard him say, "I'd share it with you if I could."

There - walking into walls

Piercing through the pain

Here we are

Reaching through the rain

I almost caught a glimpse

To feel that Sunday high

I would fall

This makes no sense at all

The bonfire crackled and spat when a log slipped off its perch. As Stiles was the nearest, he threw off the blankets and slipped out from his warm nest in the sleeping bag. Using a branch that had been set aside and reserved for this very purpose he prodded the log until it came within the confines of the fire again.

"Since I'm up, does anybody want anything?"

"Cocoa would be nice..." offered Scott.

Stiles sighed, "I was really thinking about food." But he filled the kettle he'd brought and hung it over the fire anyway.

Over on the far side Scott and Allison lay canoodling in their sleeping bag and slightly nearer, Jackson and Lydia lay wrapped up warmly too. Jackson had fallen asleep, curled into a ball on top of his bag and Lydia had heaped blankets on top of him to keep him cosy before snuggling back down next to him. He'd really made the most of the snow, finding more joy in it as a wolf than he ever had as a human; it had completely wiped him out.

Stiles shivered a bit as he hurriedly tried to prepare cocoa for six. Derek watched him, so enveloped in their blanket nest that only his nose peeked out from the top. He smiled fondly but of course that couldn't be seen. Despite his thickly padded gloves Stiles managed to manoeuvre the kettle from the fire to a position vaguely above the mugs he'd readied and poured. Hot water slopped all around them but enough of it went into the mugs that he could reasonably consider it job done.

He passed the hot drinks out in pairs to the grateful pack, taking his and Derek's over last of all. Derek shrugged the blankets down to free his arms so that he could hold the cocoa while Stiles toed his shoes off and climbed back into the warmth.

Settling down, he said to Derek, "Tell me about the run. What was it like, out there in the woods with all the snow?"

Derek smiled as he passed Stiles' mug over. "It was exhilarating." Stiles rested his head against Derek' shoulder and looked out beyond the bonfire over the lake. "There's so much visceral joy in just being able run freely anyway but the snow adds another dimension. Everything looks different, everything smells and feels different too. Imagine you're five years old and you get to do your favourite thing."

Stiles thought back to his childhood, when he was five his favourite thing was playing hide and seek with his mother. She'd always pretend not to find him for a very long time until his giggles would give him away and then she'd sweep in to hug him to her.

"Uh-huh", he said, sipping from the mug cupped in his hands.

Derek continued, "It's the best thing in the world but this time there's snow. You can feel it between your toes, you can kick it and throw it and roll in it. It's cold but you aren't, somehow the snow makes you feel warmer, happier.

"We heard you all", said Stiles. "It sounded like you were having the time of your lives."

"I think we were, I certainly don't think Jackson ever got as much out of a run as he did from this one."

Stiles watched a gentle wave lap its way to shore, breaking on the snow covered ground. His eye caught the shape of the headland outlined in the moonlight. He nodded towards it, "Oh and when you ran up there and howled, you looked magnificent, I've never seen anything like that before, so, so glorious."

Derek wrapped his free hand around Stiles waist, pulling him closer. "I was singing for you, you know. Singing out my happiness at being able to run, knowing I had you waiting for me."

"It was beautiful", admitted Stiles and then he added somewhat wistfully. "I wish I knew what it felt like, to be that free."

Later that night as he was half asleep with Derek wrapped round him, kissing his neck gently, he swore he heard him say, "I'd share it with you if I could."

-ooo-

A few days later, Derek sent Stiles into town with a ridiculously long list of things that were needed for house repairs. Stiles had pleaded for Derek to go with him saying that it was far too much for one person to manage. Derek glowered so Stiles took that as a major hint and went on his own.

As soon as Derek could sense that Stiles was well on his way out of the woods, he unlocked the door that led to the basement and ventured down into the damp dark cellar. The basement had survived the fire unscathed and for that Derek was thankful. Some of the oldest and most precious things his family owned had been stored in there.

Right at the very back, almost unnoticeable in the shadows, was an old oak chest. Derek knelt down in front of it and using a large rusty key unlocked the lid and lifted the heavy wood up to open it. He reached in, fumbled around for a moment and pulled out a book; it was impossible to tell which was older, the chest or the book. Derek carefully carried the leather bound volume over to the table and sat down to look through it.

He flicked quickly over many pages, knowing what he was looking for but unable to find it at first. His frustration grew but Derek took a breath to calm himself and started searching through the thick old pages with a more logical pattern. A series of illustrations caught his eye, hand drawn representations of wolves and humans and then just wolves. Ha! This was what he was looking for. Derek read these pages very carefully several times and then copied down the text verbatim. When finished, he locked the book back up in its secret place and went upstairs to wait.

When Stiles returned from his errands, he found Derek outside before he'd even turned the engine off. Despite Stiles' protests Derek unloaded the jeep all by himself. Stiles would have given him an odd look except that he was very used to Derek's swift changes of moods; he could go from growly to loving in mere seconds with no explanation. Sometimes Stiles wished he was telepathic and could read what went on in his boyfriend's mind but most of the time he was glad he couldn't.

Over the next few days Stiles was sure there was something up with Derek. Since the Christmas run he'd been really nice, too nice. Stiles had taken to being extra annoying just to see if he could get a rise out of Derek. After all it was starting to unnerve him, all this nice, he wasn't used to it. It didn't seem to matter what he did, nothing was fazing Derek. Not when he broke half the tableware in a beautifully uncoordinated pratfall when clearing the dinner table. Not when he spent an hour and a half describing his lacrosse practise session that was less word vomit and more a full-on verbal onslaught complete with a myriad of digressions into unconnected subjects. He thought he might have actually broken Derek with that one but that knowing look behind Derek's eyes remained. The look that said I know something that you don't. Stiles was convinced Derek was hiding something from him.

 

A few days later, Derek sent Stiles into town with a ridiculously long list of things that were needed for house repairs. Stiles had pleaded for Derek to go with him saying that it was far too much for one person to manage. Derek glowered so Stiles took that as a major hint and went on his own.

As soon as Derek could sense that Stiles was well on his way out of the woods, he unlocked the door that led to the basement and ventured down into the damp dark cellar. The basement had survived the fire unscathed and for that Derek was thankful. Some of the oldest and most precious things his family owned had been stored in there.

Right at the very back, almost unnoticeable in the shadows, was an old oak chest. Derek knelt down in front of it and using a large rusty key unlocked the lid and lifted the heavy wood up to open it. He reached in, fumbled around for a moment and pulled out a book; it was impossible to tell which was older, the chest or the book. Derek carefully carried the leather bound volume over to the table and sat down to look through it.

He flicked quickly over many pages, knowing what he was looking for but unable to find it at first. His frustration grew but Derek took a breath to calm himself and started searching through the thick old pages with a more logical pattern. A series of illustrations caught his eye, hand drawn representations of wolves and humans and then just wolves. Ha! This was what he was looking for. Derek read these pages very carefully several times and then copied down the text verbatim. When finished, he locked the book back up in its secret place and went upstairs to wait.

When Stiles returned from his errands, he found Derek outside before he'd even turned the engine off. Despite Stiles' protests Derek unloaded the jeep all by himself. Stiles would have given him an odd look except that he was very used to Derek's swift changes of moods; he could go from growly to loving in mere seconds with no explanation. Sometimes Stiles wished he was telepathic and could read what went on in his boyfriend's mind but most of the time he was glad he couldn't.

Over the next few days Stiles was sure there was something up with Derek. Since the Christmas run he'd been really nice, too nice. Stiles had taken to being extra annoying just to see if he could get a rise out of Derek. After all it was starting to unnerve him, all this nice, he wasn't used to it. It didn't seem to matter what he did, nothing was fazing Derek. Not when he broke half the tableware in a beautifully uncoordinated pratfall when clearing the dinner table. Not when he spent an hour and a half describing his lacrosse practise session that was less word vomit and more a full-on verbal onslaught complete with a myriad of digressions into unconnected subjects. He thought he might have actually broken Derek with that one but that knowing look behind Derek's eyes remained. The look that said I know something that you don't. Stiles was convinced Derek was hiding something from him.


	3. Chapter 3

Whatever you're looking for

Don't ever start looking behind

Whatever you want to change

You better start changing your mind

'Cause everything can be done

Stand up 'cause this is your time

-ooo-

That awkward nagging feeling that something was just a little off continued to bother Stiles but over the next couple of days things gradually started returning to their usual order. Oddly, he felt a little relieved one morning when Derek went apeshit at Stiles for running out of clean clothes and having to borrow some of Derek's own.

"Do you not know how to operate a washing machine?" Derek spat at him harshly. "It's quite simple, even a halfwit child could manage it."

"Come on Derek, I've not been home in almost a week, give me a chance." Stiles wheedled to his lover, walking over and throwing his arms around Derek's neck. "I'm sorry, just lend me a t-shirt, only for today."

Derek broke Stiles' hold with a flick of his wrists and walked away. "It would be great if I just got one or two of them back some time."

"Yeah", said Stiles, "Okay..." and he figured it was back to business as usual with Derek after that.

The same afternoon, after Stiles was back at his house doing his laundry, Derek sent him a text.

I'm sorry too, come back over tonight, just the 2 of us

It was more than Stiles could manage - to ignore a contrite Derek, so he smiled to himself and replied:

Promise?

Yeah, there's something I want to try

Now ur talking! K C U l8r

Stiles put together an overnight bag that he hoped would cover for several overnights and hunted down every last one of Derek's t-shirts that he'd 'borrowed'. Well, except one, a very old, very soft grey shirt that Derek had accidentally left behind one time. Stiles took that one to bed with him when he slept at home because there was still a slight residual trace of Derek's scent about it.

He arrived back at Derek's to find that the wolf had uncharacteristically prepared a dinner for them it seemed that they had returned to scary nice again. Because Stiles didn't want to do anything to bring on another Derek rant, he ate all the food and refrained from mentioning the burnt meat and undercooked vegetables. He did, though, promise himself to ban Derek from the kitchen whenever possible in the future.

They were sat having coffee afterwards – Stiles' was decaf – when Derek took his hand and said, "I want to see if something works."

"Okay", said Stiles, "what?"

"There's these stories I've been told and things that I've read that say that if mates are completely attuned to each other then one can sense the other one's experiences."

Stiles sipped his coffee thoughtfully. "But don't you have that already? I mean you always know when Scott or Jackson have extreme emotional moments and you rushed over to me in a panic once and I'd only fallen over my desk chair."

"Yes, I mean no...This is deeper than that, much deeper. I'm talking about literally living another wolf's experiences."

"Wow!" breathed Stiles, "That would be amazing but would it work with me being human?"

Derek heard the tinge of disappointment in Stiles' voice as he described himself. Stiles had never asked to be turned and Derek wasn't even sure if he'd do it were he to be asked. Aside from the inherent dangers of the change, he actually liked Stiles as a human. Excepting strength and speed, Stiles had many wolfish attributes and that was plenty good enough for Derek.

Every now and again, Stiles would let slip something that smelt like shame to Derek. After spending a while trying to work out what Stiles was ashamed of, Derek realised that it only happened when Stiles couldn't keep up with his pack in some way; he was ashamed of his own limitations. This though, this could maybe give them the best of both worlds... if it worked...

"I don't know" answered Derek honestly, "there's some indication that it might. I found a tale in my family's histories about an ancestor that achieved it with their non-human mate but they had been paired for years and it was a very long time ago.

"So how does it work? I know you can sense me but my best indication of your moods is by how much you glower at me." Derek at least had the grace to look ashamed himself at this.

"I guess we concentrate on each other. The writing was vague on the actual mechanics except to say that the pair had a very powerful, deep link. It must be to do with strengthening the mating bond somehow."

"OK", said Stiles and he took Derek's coffee from his hands and put both of their cups down. He moved closer on the sofa and took both of Derek's hands in his own. Looking each other in the eyes they moved until their foreheads were touching. They stayed like that, intently gazing at each other for several minutes.

"What now?" said Stiles.

"I have no idea", admitted Derek, "perhaps we just try to make a connection with each other. Do you get any sense of me besides the usual ones?"

"Nope, only that I think you are thinking of fucking me later", smirked Stiles

Derek groaned and broke the eye contact, "Be serious, please."

"Oh I am being serious; I'm completely convinced that you want to pound me into the mattress. You know there's always more than one way to strengthen the mating bond." Stiles chuckled.

Derek ignored him. "This has to be more cerebral than sexual, we have to link minds somehow."

Stiles put his serious face on and tried not to think dirty thoughts; it wasn't easy. "OK", he said, "I'm going to shut my eyes and try and reach out again."

After a little while of nothing happening, Stiles opened his eyes and sighed, "This is stupid, you want me to do something but you have no idea how to do it."

Derek sat back, a little disheartened. "Yeah, I suppose it was mad to expect we could do this immediately. We'll have to keep trying though, something this deep was never going to come easy."

Over the next week, Derek and Stiles tried every night to find that elusive link. To Stiles it felt like he was groping in the dark, as if he was standing in a large blacked out room and had to find a dropped needle. It could be anywhere but he couldn't see it. Derek had a better sense of Stiles, he could already feel him but he knew that was mostly the natural wolf sense for a mate. Still, he was determined to persevere.

-ooo-

It was late on Saturday night, the pack had convened for dinner and a movie. Stiles had shoved Derek out of the kitchen, even though he'd offered to help. There was no way he was allowing Derek to ruin a meal for the whole pack.

As they readied for bed Stiles said, "You know, it's no reflection on you if this thing of yours doesn't work, it's only a myth anyway." He went up behind Derek and put his arms around him, rubbing him gently on the tummy.

"I know", said Derek, "but I want it to work so much, I want to share how I feel with you."

Stiles kissed Derek on the shoulder. "You already share so much with me, more than I ever expected."

Derek turned in Stiles' arms. "It's just my nature as a wolf to want to be as one with my mate, I can't help it."

Stiles leaned forward and laid his lips on Derek's. He sucked Derek's bottom lip between his own before running his tongue across it. As Derek's mouth opened slightly Stiles pushed in with the intention of showing Derek exactly how he felt about his mate.

After a while Stiles pulled away. "Whoa, hot!" he exclaimed. "Maybe you'd like to try being one with me right now?"

Derek looked into Stiles' eyes, his own crinkled with amusement and he lifted Stiles up and effortlessly threw him on the bed. Stiles bounced for a second then lay there watching his lover watch him. When Derek didn't move he made a pouty face and reached out towards him.

"Please..." he wheedled. Needing no further encouragement, Derek stripped off the remainder of his clothing, keeping smouldering eye-contact with Stiles and wearing what Stiles liked to call his sex-face. He dropped the garments to the floor and crawled on the bed to settle between Stiles' thighs.

"Just thinking how perfect you are", mumbled Derek as he stretched over Stiles' body. He sucked a slow kiss on Stiles' neck. "You're perfect here..." He licked down towards Stiles' chest "...and you're perfect here..." Travelling lower, he swiped his tongue across Stiles' left nipple causing the boy to hiss a sigh and arc up closer to Derek's ministering mouth.

Derek sat back on his knees and ran his hands up Stiles' legs towards his boxers. His fingers teased lightly along Stiles' thighs and up over his hardening cock. "And here, I think this is the most perfect thing of all."

Stiles stared blankly, lost in himself; he always forgot just how erotic words could be. Words and touch equalled nirvana. As Derek drew his boxers down his legs, Stiles felt as if his whole body might explode, as if his skin was pressing outward, every nerve ending aching for its own touch.

"So not perfect", Stiles breathed out, "So want to fuck you right now".

Derek reached over him and grabbed a pillow. Instinctively Stiles raised his hips so that Derek could shove it under him. Derek's hands ghosted over Stiles' hip bones and inwards slowly. One circled his cock and the other teased lower, barely glancing his balls, aiming for a more intimate target. Stiles gasped as Derek's finger ran over his hole, pressing in for a moment before circling around and around. All the time Derek was keeping a steady rhythm going with his other hand; not too tight, not too loose, just gently arousing.

Stiles reached for Derek. "Kiss me", he demanded. Derek stretched up and raked his mouth across Stiles', darting his tongue inside for a rough and sloppy exploration. Stiles grabbed Derek's shoulders pulling him away from his attentions lower down and into their kiss. The change of alignment brought their bodies together and Derek ground his cock hard against Stiles' own aroused member.

Lost to carnal instincts they rutted against each other while nipping and licking any flesh they could reach. Stiles, gasping, pushed Derek slightly away from him. "Want you in me, don't want to cum if you're not in me."

Reluctantly, Derek prised himself away from the body that made his life make sense. He hastily grabbed the lube from the nightstand and slicked up the fingers of his right hand. With his left he pushed Stiles' thighs further apart and reached between his cheeks to display his puckering hole. With his index finger extended, Derek slowly pressed in, feeling little resistance. He pushed his finger in and out a couple of times while Stiles groaned above him then he added his middle finger. A little more resistance this time but equally, more delicious noises coming from Stiles throat. Derek twisted his fingers inside Stiles' body, searching for that special place. He found it and Stiles arched up in pleasure.

"No, stop, too good", Stiles gasped out. "You, I need you..."

Derek quickly forced a third digit inside Stiles and finger fucked him roughly for a few seconds. With an agile grace he pulled his fingers away and lined his cock up against Stiles glistening entrance. Stiles wrapped his legs around Derek's waist and used the pressure to pull Derek into him. The head of Derek's cock slipped in and after that it was just a slow glide to complete immersion. Derek could feel Stiles' walls gripping him, sliding over him and he marvelled, as he always did, that the sensations he felt were more stunning than anything else he'd ever experienced. Feeling himself deep within Stiles made him feel like Stiles was deep inside of Derek too. Losing himself to the rush, Derek started to thrust in and out of Stiles.

Stiles had his eyes closed, concentrating on savouring every second of pleasure. It always amazed him how well Derek fitted him. Sometimes he looked at Derek's cock and thought it would be too much but Stiles' giving body could always find room. Together they built a slow and delicious rhythm, pushing up, pushing down, perfectly attuned. Stiles felt the need grow in his belly; his need for Derek wiping away all other thoughts.

With perfect clarity Stiles opened his eyes and saw himself lying wanton on the sheets. He sensed another need, unbelievably stronger than his own and he felt the onrush of an orgasm as he pumped hard into his own body. Wait...what the fuck...!

Stiles sensed his consciousness ping back into his head like a snapped elastic. Derek was still thrusting through his climax and Stiles felt his own come out of nowhere as he spurted cum all up over their chests.

Without even pausing for recovery, Stiles scrabbled away to sit at the head of the bed, arms around his knees.

"Fuck! That was... Shit, I don't know what that was!" Stiles panted heavily, eyes wide in shock. Derek reached up to him.

"What's the matter, what happened?" He asked, worriedly. Stiles looked up at him, teetering on the edge of panic.

"I saw myself, I was fucking myself. I was you!"


	4. Chapter 4

There - walking into walls  
Piercing through the pain  
Here we are  
Reaching through the rain  
I almost caught a glimpse  
Brighter than the sky  
A child grown  
A stranger coming home

-ooo-

"What do you mean, you were me?" asked Derek, moving up the bed to hold Stiles.

"It was the freakiest shit! We were just about to cum and I wanted to see your face when we did so I opened my eyes but I didn't see you, I saw me and I felt what it was like to be you. I felt how much you wanted me. Oh God, I never knew you wanted me that much..."

Stiles flung his arms around Derek and buried his face in Derek's chest. Derek thought for a moment.

"That's it, that must be the link. It worked!" Derek hugged Stiles tightly to himself. Stiles trembled quietly in his arms. A muffled voice issued from Stiles.

"If that's it then I'm not sure I want it."

"But why? Asked Derek. He lifted Stiles head up so he could look at him and stroked his thumb across Stiles' jaw. "Don't you see? It's amazing, we managed it, we linked our minds."

"There are just some things a person should never have to see." Stiles shuddered. Derek kissed the top of his head which had buried itself again in Derek's chest. A wail emerged from the depths. "I can never unsee that, never!"

"C'mon, Stiles, we broke through, we did it!"

The exultant tone in Derek's voice made Stiles peep out from his self-imposed confinement.

"It's really the feeling-like-you thing that freaked me the most", he admitted.

"Okay", said Derek, "I get that and you weren't expecting it but if we can work out what the trigger is then we can practice and control it."

"Maybe", muttered Stiles.

Derek held Stiles out away from him. "If you really don't want to try then we won't any more but I only wanted to share with you how things make me feel."

Having now had a glimpse into the psyche of his lover, Stiles knew Derek was telling the truth, that he was pushing for this because he wanted to be closer to Stiles than he was physically able to be alone.

"I know how much this means to you and I'll try...for you but please, never again while we're fucking."

Derek laughed and Pulled Stiles back into his arms.

-ooo-

Later, when Stiles had calmed down they tried to pinpoint what had allowed their two consciousnesses to join.

"What were you thinking about, before it happened?" asked Derek.

Stiles lay on his back, hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. "I wasn't, I was completely in the moment. You were fucking me – it was so good." He sighed in recollection. "... and I was just lost to the sensation of it all. How can you sense me anyway?"

Derek pondered this. "You're my mate, I just can. It's like there's a part of my mind that only exists to feel you. Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, I have a constant sense of what's going on with you. Most of the time I don't even notice it, except when I want to or when your emotions change. It's the same with the rest of the pack only not as intense."

Stiles turned on his side to face Derek. "When you want to? Like you have your own personal Stiles channel?" He propped his head on his hand and looked down at Derek. "And do you? Check in on me, I mean."

Derek leaned up and gently kissed Stiles' lips, he looked a little bashful. "Yeah, I do, sometimes, when you aren't around. If I'm trying to get to sleep, the wolf, he likes to know you're safe. So do I."

"OK", Stiles kissed Derek back. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you just hitching a ride whenever but If that's all you're doing I guess I can live with it."

Derek reached a hand up to caress the back of Stiles' neck. "It's not the same as how you experienced it, it's more an understanding. I can't see what you see, I can't even really feel what you feel, it's more a knowing, I just know how you feel."

Stiles leaned his head back to better let Derek explore his nape. He saw Derek's eyes glaze over for an instant.

"For example", Derek carried on, "right now you're tired, mostly sated and a little lethargic but if I keep doing this..." He pushed his fingers into Stiles' hair and glided his other hand down the curve of Stiles' side. "...you won't be able to resist me."

Derek's face broke out in a wicked grin. Stiles slapped at him. "Stop that, it's not fair!"

"So it seems like you have to clear your mind for this connection to kick in", said Derek.

"Ha!" exclaimed Stiles. "This is my mind you're talking about, when is it ever empty? No, don't stop..."

Stiles pulled Derek's retreating hand back to continue its progress along the sensitive skin of Stiles' hip. Derek laughed and moved across to cover Stiles.

"Knew you couldn't resist me!"

-ooo-

The next day Stiles took a trip into town to visit the library. After Derek had made love to him a final time the previous night, Stiles had lain awake considering the irony of needing a clear head to effect this elusive coupling. Even then, with the soundless night providing almost no inspiration for it, his mind still whirred in a cascade of unconnected thoughts. He recalled something a therapist had suggested, years ago, which he'd immediately shunned as being ridiculous.

Stiles carefully checked the shelves in the Health area of the library. Finding the particular section he was looking for, he quickly pulled out several volumes, skimming the dustsheet descriptions and flicking through those the most interesting to him. He checked out half a dozen books on meditation.

Stiles didn't tell Derek what he'd done and there appeared to be an unspoken agreement between them that Derek wouldn't push and Stiles would determine when he was ready to carry on.

In quiet moments he read through the books and when he was alone he started practising some of the techniques described. For two days he tried to find a mantra that didn't make him feel ridiculously self-aware, before giving that method up. After that he tried breathing exercises. He fared better with these, finally finding one set that seemed to relax him enough that he could systematically deal with the unbidden thoughts that twined through his head.

Stiles was sat at the end of his bed. He'd run through some stretching movements he'd picked up from one of the manuals. He was so glad no-one could see him doing this new age shit alone but he had half a mind to try and introduce some of this into the pack training. After all it seemed quite effective for him so it might be really helpful for the others.

He was about halfway through his cycle of breathing exercises and beginning to clamp down on stray thoughts when he felt something, a kind of pull, an inclination to be somewhere else. He let his mind follow this thread that seemed to be tugging him and with an uncomfortable whoosh he suddenly knew he was no longer seeing through his own eyes.

The hands in front of him dived into the washing up bowl. He could feel the warm water and the soapy suds as he – Derek – swished a plate around in them. He felt the smoothness of the plate and the sudden coolness of the air when it was brought out of the water and placed in the drying rack. He – Derek – reached for the next item.

Stiles concentrated hard trying not to lose the link. He stretched his mind out, trying to feel other things, trying to take this further and he became aware of the notion that these hands would rather be touching something else. He let himself slip deeper and he felt another presence, a slow watchful one. This mind didn't think in fully formed sentences, rather, it expressed urges and emotions. Stiles felt it flex in impatience and he growled along with it as a wave of indolent lust rolled over the beast that was Derek's wolf. Stiles picked up the minute the wolf became aware of him because both of them were suffused with a sense of satisfaction. "Hey, wolf", thought Stiles and he felt the wolf stretch out and yawn before settling back into discrete somnolence, content in the presence of its mate. Stiles rode the wolf for a while gaining confidence at the feelings of security it projected.

Slowly he pulled away, back into Derek's mind, things were more defined here. Derek had finished the washing up and was sitting at the kitchen table reading a newspaper. Stiles could see the article on how a couple had had to be rescued after their car broke down in a snow drift. Every word was as clear as day but Stiles could tell that Derek wasn't taking it in at all. Instead he was contemplating what needed to be done next in the house. As with the wolf, Stiles knew as soon as Derek became aware of his piggybacking consciousness because Derek's thoughts changed from quantities of wood and paint to I want to fuck you, where are you? This was a little too near the knuckle for Stiles so he allowed his mind to plunge back with a nauseating lurch into his own head.

Stiles panted heavily for a while from the mental exertion and wiped the faint sheen of sweat from his forehead. He tried to process his experience, recollecting exactly how it had felt to knowingly ride another's mind. He felt he understood the wolf more now. It was really very simple, all it wanted was its mate safe and close at hand. It seemed less of a separate entity now, more a necessary part of Derek.

A shrill screech punctured Stiles' reverie. He reached across to the nightstand for his phone and threw himself back against his pillow as he swiped to accept the call. He didn't even need to check the display to see who the caller was, he knew beyond doubt that it was Derek.

"Go for Stiles", he said mockingly. Derek didn't seem to appreciate the stupid greeting, he ignored it.

"You did it", he stated and Stiles could hear how he was holding back his excitement and laying on an even tone.

"Yes, could you feel me then?"

"Yeah, it was like the opposite of when I reach out to you, I felt you come in and then it was like you wrapped yourself around me. It was incredible, to feel so close, so complete. I couldn't help wanting you."

"I know, that was a bit icky you know, reassuring but icky. I felt your wolf, I spoke to it." Stiles told Derek.

Yes, it told me. I can't remember when it last felt this satisfied, it's like I've got a Care Bear inside me instead of a raving and drooling monster. It's very happy, so am I. How did you do it?"

Stiles took a second to feel quite smug. "I've been meditating; it took a while to find what worked. You seriously don't want to hear me try to invoke the benevolence of Ganesh. In the end a sort of combination of yoga and deep breathing did the trick. "

Derek asked, "Do you think you can do it again?"

"Yeah", said Stiles, "I reckon I can. When I was in the right state of mind I saw the connection and I just followed it till I found you. I know what it is now, it'll be much easier to find next time."

"Stiles..." Derek breathed low and Stiles just knew he was going to be asked something important. "...it's full moon again in a week and I want you to ride with me this time."


	5. Chapter 5

So come on… 

Reanimate angel 

Break from your cage 

Witness the prophecy 

Sprung from the page 

The moon in your marrow 

The smoke on your skin 

The mask in the mirror 

The monster within 

But the barrier is thin 

And the room begins to spin

-ooo-

Even though Christmas and New Year seemed long gone, there was still a thick covering of snow on the ground. The winter had been harsher than usual and showed no signs of abating yet. The downside, thought Stiles, as he checked the oil and water levels in his jeep, was the frackin' cold; his fingers were almost numb. It was harder to get around; Jackson's Porsche for sure couldn't deal with the woodland track up to Derek's house. People weren't going out so much if they didn't have to, leading to the first ever pack meeting held over Skype.

There had to be some upside mused Stiles. He carefully screwed back the caps to the reservoirs - hard to do when you can't actually feel them - wiped his hands off and pushed them back into his gloriously cosy sheepskin gloves. Putting a piece of clothing on naturally reminded him of taking clothing off.

Stiles grinned, there was the upside, it made the act of disrobing into a longer, slower, teasing game. He'd almost made Derek drool the other night as he'd spent 10 minutes stripping off his myriad layers, refusing to let Derek touch him and rip away the offending garments. Each time Derek had stretched out a hand towards him, nascent claws emerging, he'd danced out of the way and continued his protracted strip-tease just out of reach of the frustrated wolf. It had to have taken five minutes at least until he'd revealed any decent expanse of flesh. Derek had been nearly all wolf by the time he'd got down to his boxers and he'd even sped up the last bit because Derek was starting to remind him of a dog owned by an old friend of his Mother's. That dog had to be followed round by its owner with a large wipe-rag, such was the drool that dangled and dripped from its large, sloppy jaws. Stiles had no wish to similarly deal with Derek, although, he admitted to himself, it was fun to get him in that state.

Stiles climbed into the jeep, checked his overnight bag was in the back and started the engine. He cranked the heater up to maximum and waited a minute or two for the mist on the windscreen to clear. Carefully he reversed into the road and with equal care negotiated the short drive to Jackson's house.

Jackson was already outside when Stiles pulled up. He was hopping from one foot to another and clapping his gloved hands together in an affirmation of the chilly temperature.

"C'mon Stilinsky, I've been waiting ages", Jackson said as he yanked the door open, threw his bag in the back and jumped inside. "Jeez, dude, don't you have any heating in this crappy thing?"

"It's a jeep not a sports car", retorted Stiles slightly stiffly. "Let's remember why I'm driving you and not the other way round, cos your extravagant penis substitute won't make it up to Derek's house."

"Okay, okay, I'm grateful for the ride", muttered Jackson grudgingly. They fell into silence as Stiles concentrated on keeping the jeep in a straight line.

Finally they reached a stretch of road that had been cleared by the snow ploughs. Stiles relaxed a little and turned to Jackson. "I want to understand the runs, tell me how you feel during them, what makes it so good?"

"Wow!" said Jackson, "I don't know if I can even put it into words." He thought for a little while. "Don't forget I'm relatively new at this but this is how I see it. We're dual natured, yeah?"

"Obviously", stated Stiles.

"Most of the time, the wolf is dormant, submissive to the human part of me. Full moon is when the human is submissive to the wolf. It's the one time of the month when it doesn't have to hold back, when it can be true to its nature."

"Why do you talk about it as if it's a separate being?" asked Stiles. "I mean it's a part of you, isn't it just you but different?"

"Of course it's me, it's my wolf, it's the only wolf I'll ever have and it's like me in a lot of ways, it was born from me. I don't feel us as separate so much but that's hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it so it just seems easier to talk about it as a different persona."

Stiles considered Jackson's explanation, it made a lot of sense, the wolf counterparts did have a lot of their host's personality traits, Scott's wolf was a follower, it never initiated anything but waited for the more dominant pack members to lead. Jackson's wolf was quite vain, it often spent downtime grooming and preening. Derek's wolf, of course, never met another creature that it couldn't bend to its will. It was ruthless and cold but in the right moment, it loved unconditionally. After runs all it seemed to want was to lie on Stiles and nuzzle.

Stiles turned the jeep off the main road and onto the track through the woods.

"I wonder what my wolf would be like, if I had one..."

Jackson snorted, "Your wolf would be just as much of klutz as you are. It'd always be tripping over its own feet." He paused, "But I bet it would be cunning."

Despite trying to keep his jeep on the track Stiles still managed to take a hand off the wheel and smack at Jackson. He barely made an impression through Jackson's thick ski jacket.

Up ahead he could just see Allison's SUV parked in the lea of Derek's house. That meant the rest of the pack were already there. It wouldn't be long until the run now.

Stiles parked up next to Allison and the pair of them grabbed their things and hurried through the roughly snow-cleared ground and up the steps to Derek's house. Opening the door revealed a maelstrom of activity. Derek and Scott were play fighting right in front of them. Derek was holding Scott down on the floor with his body weight but just as Jackson and Stiles tried to edge past them, Scott flipped Derek off him and into their path. Jackson had to jump back to avoid a collision. Seeing Derek's red eyes glow and a snarl erupt from his lips as he rounded back on Scott, Stiles hastened by, having no wish to get involved with that tussle, thank you very much.

Jackson dropped his bag, shrugged off his ski-jacket and dropped to his haunches, the wolf starting to exert its timely dominance over him. He waited until Derek swatted at his leg before joining in with the pre-run bonding.

Stiles headed towards the kitchen where Allison and Lydia were preparing a small supper to keep energy levels up for the evening's activities. While the wolves were gone they would ready something larger, because if there was one undisputed fact, it was that wolves were always hungry after a run.

"Hey ladies!" greeted Stiles, "you can stop panicking about supper, I'm here now." And he wandered over to the hob to lift lids on saucepans and taste things and generally exert his status as Alpha's mate and king of the kitchen.

"Thank you Stiles but we're managing just fine", said Lydia as she tried to shoo him away.

Stiles dodged her arm and licked the end of a wooden spoon. "Needs more salt", he opined as Lydia grabbed the spoon from him.

"There are some onions that need slicing if you want to be helpful", said Allison as she pushed a chopping board towards him from across the kitchen table.

"Are you mad?" exclaimed Lydia. "You're giving him a knife, don't you know the damage he could do with that?"

"Shut up Lydia!" Stiles grabbed the chopping board and began to peel and slice the onions with the precision of a practised chef. He was just tipping them into a frying pan when Derek entered the kitchen. Derek came up behind Stiles, put his arms around his waist and nestled his chin in the crook of Stiles' shoulder. "Hey", he said.

"Hey you, Wolfy", replied Stiles, dropping the board and knife into the sink.

"Do you think you can do this, do you think you're ready?" Derek asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think so but there's only one way to really know", answered Stiles.

"If it doesn't work we'll have more opportunities. I don't want you getting upset if you can't make a connection." Derek squeezed Stiles' middle a little.

Stiles put his now empty hands over Derek's. "I'm not worried, we've linked every day this week, why would tonight be any different?"

"I don't want you to think I'm pressuring. I wouldn't want the stress to affect you."

Stiles turned round in Derek's arms, leaning back against the sink. "Am I not Stiles A. Stilinsky? 'A' standing for awesome. Is it not my middle name? I can do this because I rock your world", he said smugly and leaned forward to kiss Derek on the tip of his nose.

"Enough!" cried Lydia. "This is a kitchen for the preparation and eating of food, not each other. Go upstairs if you want to mate", and this time she successfully managed to shoo both Stiles and Derek out of the kitchen.

Scott and Jackson were still mucking about on the floor together, both partly wolfed out. Even though they'd stopped fighting as such, Jackson was still proving dominance over Scott by lying over him while they rested.

Poor Scott, thought Stiles as he sat down on the sofa and pulled Derek down next to him, he's a beta in every relationship he has. Derek threw his arm over Stiles' shoulder and Stiles soon forgot any sense of pity towards Scott.

They sat quietly watching the two wolves while simultaneously keeping contact with each other. Derek had got his hand down the front of Stiles' shirt and was gently stroking circles on his collar bone. Stiles had dropped his hand onto Derek's leg and was slowly massaging his inner thigh. Bonding was an important part of the pre-run ritual and it was no less different for them, even though Stiles was human. Stiles, after the last week's efforts at riding the link, thought that this kind of relaxed petting aided the connection.

"Supper's ready!" cried Lydia, breaking their self-imposed quiet time. Scott and Jackson got up from their two-man wolf pile, pulling back their wolves inside as they did and all four of them headed into the kitchen to sit down and eat.

It started to get a little noisy again as plates were passed and dishes swapped across the table. The three wolves and Stiles ate with careless abandon, stuffing food in their mouths as though quantity was the important thing, not quality. The two girls ate more daintily.

As they approached the end of the meal, when appetites had been sated and consumption slowed, Derek put his hand on Stiles' knee and said, "I think we should tell them".

"Tell us what?" asked Scott between mouthfuls.

Stiles nodded at Derek, giving him permission to carry on. "We've found a way to replicate the wolf bond but between a wolf and a human instead. It's not quite the same but it means that when we're apart Stiles can share my experiences as if he were there too."

"How is that possible?" Asked Allison, "And how on earth did you find out about this?"

"From old tales, passed down through the years", Derek explained. "In fact one of my ancestors was supposed to be able to connect with his mate when they were separated. We think it's a protective mechanism that developed over time so that human mates wouldn't be at a disadvantage to full wolf pairs. We're hoping that Stiles will be able to ride with me tonight on the run"

"That's amazing, how does it work, can I do this with Allison?" asked a stunned Scott.

"I don't know, you'd have to practice like we did. It's like tuning a radio", said Derek, using Stiles analogy from the previous week. "I keep my mind open and Stiles just has to find it."

"I have to kind of meditate to do this", Stiles informed them. "So I'm afraid that I won't be able to help you girls much during the run."

Jackson laughed, "You, meditate!"

"Yes, Jackson, contrary to popular belief, I can actually attain a higher level of consciousness and it's a very useful tool to have. Maybe you should try it sometime; it might make you less of a douchebag."

"Never mind him", said Lydia, "tell us what it's like."

"It's weird and a bit freaky", admitted Stiles. I concentrate on finding Derek and when I do I can sort of zone in and then see and feel everything he does. Once I'm in it's OK but the to-ing and fro-ing is a bit nasty and we have to pick our moments."

"Yeah," laughed Jackson, "You wouldn't want to do it during sex, it'd be like fucking yourself." Lydia slapped at him.

"Thanks Jacks, I'm aware of that", Stiles said shortly.

"You have, haven't you?" Jackson dissolved in a peal of laughter.

"It was an accident", muttered Stiles, "and I don't wish to repeat it".

Derek decided to take charge again. "Anyway, I wanted you all to be aware because obviously Stiles will be in some kind of trance here and I don't know how it will affect my behaviour when we're in the woods. If I do anything odd, I want you to leave me alone; I don't want anything endangering Stiles if he's linked to me." He turned towards Allison and Lydia. "And I want you two to keep an eye on him. If he looks like he's in any kind of trouble, I'll need you to bring him back."

"Okay", Allison said, "We'll watch over him".

Because of the weather and because of Derek and Stiles' experiment, the run was going to be circular, starting and ending at the house. This made it a lot more practical, the wolves could leave their clothing inside and not worry about it. A little while before they were ready to go, Derek pulled Stiles into a dark corner and into his arms. He pressed a kiss to Stiles' mouth as Stiles' arms slipped up and around his neck.

"Don't forget, I love you whatever happens", he told his mate. "If it feels wrong or you think there's a problem, you stop it. You are more important to me than getting the bond to work."

"Stop stressing Wolfy, I can handle it." Stiles met his lover's lips again, nipping at them before thrusting his tongue inside for a deep and breathy goodbye kiss. He reluctantly pulled away, slapping Derek on his perfect ass. "Get on with you, go and have some fun and show me what it's all about."

Derek sighed and went off to find the other two wolves. He was hoping that tonight would be all that he expected. He just had an overwhelming need to open himself wide to his mate and help him understand his wolf nature as much as his human nature.


	6. Chapter 6

Now the brightness is teeming

The chains slip away

The wolf in the wool

Is no longer at bay

The portal is open

The walls disappear

Jump through the hoop

And the hell out of here

-ooo-

Stiles had decided to start his meditation in Derek's bedroom. It made sense - Derek's things were all about and the room smelled of him, well OK, both of them really. Stiles was convinced it would be conducive to the process.

He'd gone upstairs and begun his breathing exercises before the pack had headed out of the door because he wanted to be riding Derek when the shift happened. Of all the things he wanted to experience, the shift made him the most curious. How did it feel to have your body totally break and reform? What was it like to give up your consciousness to another's dominance?

Stiles sat cross-legged on the bed breathing shallowly, eyes closed. His mind was in that nether place again. He could sense the infinity of it, how Derek could be anywhere within it. In another time he might have panicked out of the futility of the search but he was brim-full of confidence now, he knew he could find him. Sure enough, within a few moments of groping around, a sharp pull and a feeling of deep contentment wrapped itself around Stiles like a hug. There he was, there was Derek. Stiles prepared himself for the nauseous rush of joining and held his breath while he swooped down and into his mate's body.

The jolt made Stiles blink very quickly and he opened his eyes. Derek was standing about 50 feet from the house, still human and very naked, while Scott and Jackson as wolves tumbled in the snow. Stiles could sense Derek's pride as he watched his pack play fight. It was cold; he could feel the biting wind as it broke against the edges of the woodland. Derek seemed to give an internal sigh and Stiles knew he'd recognised his presence.

A thought appeared unbidden in Stiles' mind: Ready?

Stiles signalled his assent by merely thinking it: Yes and mentally flexed to check that he could feel all of Derek. He started to feel a tingle on his skin; it started on his torso and gradually spread out to encompass his whole body. Derek looked down and Stiles could see the short thick hairs that would form the dark wolf pelt sprout from his arm. It was like being covered by a blanket but from the inside. As the pelt spread across Derek's body, Stiles couldn't feel the wind so much.

Suddenly Derek dropped to his hands and feet and Stiles began to feel the oddest sensation, it was like having an alien within, parts of Derek's body started to metamorphose. This time it started in the extremities, his hands and feet slowly morphed into paws. Stiles felt the claws break through and it wasn't painful as such but uncomfortable in its strangeness.

Derek strained his neck upwards and yawned, only it wasn't a yawn because the stretch was his jaw elongating into a muzzle. Stiles could only consider the sensation ticklish when Derek's ears migrated to the top of his head and formed into points. He was almost enjoying it now that Derek was over halfway to wolf and then he wasn't... The major bones and muscles started to rearrange themselves and to Stiles it was like having something inside you fighting to get out. He wanted it to stop, it was the most peculiar thing he'd ever felt in his entire life. When Derek's tail emerged, well, that was just wrong, plain and simple.

Gradually Derek's body settled into its alpha form, Stiles stopped feeling as sick as he had during the shift. Derek stood foursquare in the snow, panting, draughts of misty breath issuing from his maw. Stiles stretched his mind through this new configuration, it was unfamiliar, walking on four legs was unnatural after a lifetime of walking on two, it was hard to find the right rhythm. Now that he wasn't consumed by Derek's transformation, Stiles became aware that the wolf was now the primary consciousness.

Stiles pulled back into the wolf's mind, eager to understand how this worked. He sensed pleasure and joy on a baser level than he was used to. My time, my turn, the wolf seemed to be thinking. Stiles had never considered that patience would be a major attribute for the wolf but now he got that this was a part of the unspoken deal between wolf and human. That for nearly all of its time the wolf had to be subsumed in their joint psyche but with the caveat that full moon was its all-too-brief window to be fully free and in control. Stiles marvelled that someone with such a strong character as Derek was willing to totally relinquish his possession, even for a single night.

With a new found sense of admiration for the wolf, Stiles wrapped himself around this least-known facet of his lover. The contentment of the beast was palpable, my mate, it acknowledged and now it seemed to want to show off for Stiles.

With a bound the wolf leaped after the rest of its pack, still frolicking on the snow a way off. It ran at them, butting its head into the nearest wolf which happened to be Jackson. Instinctively recognising his alpha, Jackson's wolf rolled over in a demonstration of submission. The whole pack hierarchy appeared far more cut and dried to Stiles as he experienced the subtleties of it in action. Derek's wolf was secure in its leadership and needed only to show its fangs or issue a low growl to achieve obedience from its betas. In the human world this interaction came with a lot more wordage. Stiles kind of liked this feeling of being in command; it was simple, easy to understand and for once in his life, placed him at the top of the pack, even if, strictly speaking, he was still once removed.

Scott, meanwhile, had dropped his body to the ground and was crawling forward slowly towards his alpha, tail held low down. When he reached touching distance, he nudged his muzzle into the side of the larger beast a couple of times and also adopted a deferential attitude. Having achieved obeisance from his pack, Derek's wolf flicked his head towards the trees as if to say, let's go and as one the wolves turned and ran into the wood.

Stiles, as a human, had on many occasions run pell-mell through these woods. At no time had he considered it fun. OK, maybe those times which ended up with just Derek catching him... But even then his awkwardness and generally uncoordinated approach to running ensured a healthy - unhealthy? – amount of bruises and abrasions across his lower body. This...this though, was something else.

The exhilaration felt by the wolf flooded Stiles' senses as the pack careened through the trees, no hesitation, no miss-steps. In the truest sense of the word, Stiles was on the ride of his life. No stranger to adrenaline, Stiles had long been a Rollercoaster fan, even if his opportunities to experience them had been scant. This gave the same sense of speed and danger despite the distinct lack of height.

Stiles had no idea how the wolves missed the myriad of obstacles in their path: low branches, awkwardly placed stones and unseen ruts in the ground, all were avoided with deft footwork as the pack wove quickly through the maze of woodland.

With every stride passed underfoot, Stiles became more comfortable in his position as bareback rider on the wild beast of impulsivity that was the wolf. As the fear of dying by, just well, hitting a tree faded, he extended his consciousness to the wolf's senses; he wanted to know what was going through the wolf's mind as he ran full speed towards destination unknown.

In truth, nothing was going through the wolf's mind. Nothing, except the constant stream of sensory information sent from its nose, its ears, its eyes. To Stiles it seemed like the wolf was forming an ever changing mind map from its memories and experiences – There, rabbits, ignore; over there, marshy ground, avoid; behind, wolves, pack.

There was no direct communication between the three wolves as to their direction or positioning. Mostly Derek headed the run but from time to time Scott or Jackson came forward to take the lead pushing them all forward in a never ending whirl of sensation and freedom.

Stiles had no idea how long they'd been running. Despite not knowing the landscape here anywhere near as well as Derek did, Stiles was still familiar enough – usually - to navigate himself around without getting too lost. From this perspective though, so close to the forest floor, he had no clue anymore. They could have been within howling distance of the house or way out on the far side of the lake, Stiles didn't know, all sense of time: lost.

Suddenly the pack broke through a line of trees and into a small clearing. For the first time in the run, they slowed to a standstill, panting harshly in the chilled air. Jackson appeared to recover first, his tongue retreating back into his mouth and then he faced Scott and barked at him. Scott ignored him, still needing moments more to recover from the exertion of running all that distance. Jackson wouldn't be ignored though. He strode over in front of Scott, dropped his front legs to the ground, haunches still high, tail waving slowly and whined up into Scott's face.

Scott contemplated Jackson while he licked round his muzzle with his large lolling tongue and then deliberately turned and walked away from the semi-prostrate creature but it was all for show because he had got no more than five feet away before he swiftly turned and pounced on the demanding wolf. This set off a tussle which had both wolves rolling around, kicking up snow, each trying to best the other by making it the one that collapsed onto the ground.

Derek lay down on the snow watching the pair. It seemed to Stiles that from time to time, Derek's wolf was amused when either Scott or Jackson played a blinding move and caused the other to fall. For a few minutes Stiles soaked up Derek's reactions to the game but then he got impatient, he wanted to join in too. Please, he begged the wolf and as if he'd been waiting to be asked, the wolf got up and stalked over to the scuffling pair. He barked at them to get their attention and when that was won, launched himself into the melee too.

In an instant Stiles completely lost track of whose leg was whose, which wolf was snapping at which other one, whether he was upright or upside down. The wolves moved with a fast agility which made Stiles feel a little nauseous, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feelings of simple happiness emanating from his host. The game went on for a while, there was no winner, there never was; the point being to play, not to defeat and to learn the tricks and schemes of an opponent. Stiles reckoned it was like some sort of school for ninja wolves, for them to learn their skills.

Eventually, all three of them fell into a pile where they rested, grooming mussed up fur and rolling slowly against each other. Stiles could sense the pack bond, strongest when they were all touching, best when they were all touching. It wasn't like the loyalty he felt to them as humans, it was a more tangible thing, he could almost taste it and he understood the need for it within the pack, to bind them all together and make them one, better together than alone.

Derek slowly stood up, stretching out as he did. He lifted his head up and caught sight of the full moon shining down through the empty branches. Stiles felt something primal within the wolf, assuaged only when the beast tipped his head and howled up at the ethereal moonlight. If the wolf was the master of Derek on this night then the moon was the master of the wolf and it keened out its song to its master. A song of satisfaction and thanks: thanks for the freedom enjoyed; thanks for its pack and its mate. Stiles had heard the song many times and it never failed to leave him awe-struck, each and every time. Now though he understood the nuances: this howl told the moon that the pack was settled and secure; this howl affirmed their connection and that howl, that one was Stiles' special howl. It was the one that told the moon that Derek's wolf possessed its mate, the best mate a wolf could have: steadfast; loyal and loving.

The song broke off for a moment, the other two wolves scrambled up and took over the refrain, yowling their gratitude into the night also. Derek's wolf joined back in and for a time a trio of yips and yelps rent the air. Abruptly the song stopped and the wolves disappeared into the trees once more.

This set the pattern for the night, Stiles knew it now, a headlong dash, a rest, a tumble in the snow and more singing. Once, they stopped at the lake for a much needed drink of the icy-cold water. Nothing had ever tasted as good to Stiles as the liquid that sated Derek's – and his - thirst.

Stiles gradually stopped thinking entirely and subsumed himself in the sensory experience as the wolves roamed through the woodlands. It didn't take long for his human mind to still and he started to feel like a wolf himself, all instinct and senses. He could communicate with Derek's wolf more easily in this animalistic state. From time to time he would say to the wolf, what's that or go there and the wolf would respond and show him.

The wolves had shown no awareness of time but Stiles knew when they became aware of the slight brightening of the sky which signalled the approaching dawn. The run became slightly less hectic and less random and Stiles, humanity increasing in contrast to the wolves' slowing pace, started to notice familiar landmarks. They were nearing home now, exhausted and hearts full of satisfaction.

A light twinkled in the distance and a smell that simply said home teased the air. Now the pack was reduced to walking the final yards, shoulder to shoulder , coming home after partaking in a ritual as old as time.

Arriving outside the house finally, Derek howled quickly as if to say, we're back and momentarily the door opened, revealing Allison in silhouette against the bright indoor light. Derek shook himself before stepping in, a big, long, get-all-this-outside-off-me shake. Stiles thought, Wow, now I know why dogs do that! 

The girls had got a fire going inside and one by one the wolves settled in front of it, stretching out and testing aching muscles. Jackson realised there was someone missing, looking around for Lydia.

"It's alright Jacks", said Allison, "she's upstairs with Stiles." Jackson settled back down.

Scott almost immediately started his shift back to human but Jackson and Derek lingered a while longer as wolves. Stiles realised that he would shortly get to experience the shift in reverse if he wasn't careful. As fascinating as it had been to feel it the first time, it was not something that Stiles wanted to live through again anytime soon; maybe one day perhaps, but not again tonight.

Stiles pressed his mind up against the wolf's. Gotta go buddy, thank you so much. He felt the wolf nuzzle against him in return and he slowly started to retreat from the consciousness he'd shared for the entire night.

Whoomph! He was back in his own body. Stiles was momentarily disoriented and promptly fell sideways onto the bed.

"Whoa, are you OK there, Stiles?" asked Lydia.

Stiles could only grunt back at her while his brain tried to reorganise itself back into a human configuration. Slowly sense returned to him, he twitched his fingers and flexed his arms, finding them strong enough to push himself back to upright. He became aware of having a very dry mouth and a blinding thirst. Seeing a bottle of water on the nightstand, he made grabby hands at it until Lydia sussed what he was trying to communicate and passed it over to him.

The bedroom door opened hurriedly and Derek pushed inside, barely dressed, he'd only pulled a pair of jeans on and not even fastened them. He made for the bed and Stiles and pulled the still gulping boy into his arms. Stiles spluttered water everywhere.

"Well?" Derek demanded.

Stiles opened and closed his mouth a couple of times; he hadn't used his voice in well over eight hours, somewhat of a record.

"Oh my God, it was amazing!" he exclaimed, bouncing in Derek's arms. "I don't have the words, seriously, words...gone..."

"I know, you don't have to explain", said Derek, "I felt it all, like you." He reached for Stiles face, cupping his hands round his cheeks and pulling Stiles in for a kiss which turned into a smooch.

"Right, I'll see you downstairs then, when you're ready", said Lydia backing out of the room and closing the door behind her.

Stiles pulled away. "I know your wolf, I understand it now. It's you but it's the very core of you, like a distilled you."

Derek laughed, "It knows you too, it was so happy to have you alongside it tonight. I think it understands that this is a very special and unusual bond and I think it feels a bit smug that it has a mate that can do this wonderful thing."

"It's special, we're special", stated Stiles with certainty.

"Yes, we are", agreed Derek kissing Stiles again, "and you know what else it told me?"

Stiles quirked an eyebrow at him.

"You have some wolf in you."

Stiles slapped at Derek. "Really, now you're being filthy? You can't even give me a few minutes to recover before trying to have your wicked wolfy way?"

"No, idiot, it is a two way link, I don't know how he did it but the wolf sent some of himself back to you."

"Oh", breathed Stiles, "clever wolfy". He turned his mind inward and searched and there, curled up, deep within him, lay a tiny wolf of his own. "My wolf", muttered Stiles.

"Come on, let's go and join the others, I'm starving!" said Derek.

-ooo-

A few days later, when Stiles had got his body clock back in sync, he awoke in Derek's bed just after the sun had risen. There must have been a crack in the curtains because a shaft of light fell across Stiles' face waking him. He blinked in the unaccustomed brightness and got up to pull the curtains together. Something caught his eye outside though and he pushed one of the drapes aside to stare into the garden.

Moving the curtain sent the daylight streaming across Derek's face too and he put his hand up to shield his eyes.

Stiles sighed. "What's the matter?" asked Derek, sitting up.

"Look!" wailed Stiles plaintively. Derek heaved a sigh of his own but nevertheless got up to see what had upset Stiles. In an unconscious repeat of his actions those few weeks back, he once again dragged a blanket with him to ward off the still chilly air.

Stiles flapped a hand in the direction of outside. "The snow's melting. It was so good and the run was the best thing ever and now it's going."

"We'll have other runs; they don't have to be snowy to be good." Derek dropped half of the blanket round Stiles' shoulders.

"Yeah, you're right", admitted Stiles sneaking an arm around Derek. He smiled, "I think we have the perfect life, don't you? With the pack, with us?"

A wicked glint flashed in Derek's eyes. He turned and grabbed Stiles round the waist. "Almost", he smirked.

"Almost?" spluttered Stiles. "What's missing, tell me, what the bloody hell don't we have?"

"Cubs", said Derek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the observant amongst you will notice a certain commonality in the ending of this story and also the ending of I Have To Mark You Mine. It appears there is no choice in what I shall be writing next.


End file.
